Oergeestig! Zo ziet het leven van een vader met 4 dochters eruit

Simon Hopper, vader van vier dochters, besloot om het ouderschap precies te laten zien zoals het is. Niets gestileerd en nep, maar alles realistisch. Het resultaat? 467K (!) volgers en heel veel humor op je tijdlijn.

Simon is vader van vier dochters. De oudste is 9, de middelste 6 en 10 maanden geleden kwam er een mooie tweeling op de wereld. Dat maakt Simon officieel in de minderheid, met vijf vrouwen in huis. Gelukkig is Simon niet zo serieus en houdt ‘ie er een hilarisch Instagram account op na. Heerlijk met een flinke dosis zelfspot.

1. Ach, gelukkig is ‘ie sterk!

The cornerstone of any dad's role is the old horse / pig ride but I'm starting to feel more like a mid sized family car with all 4 my girls aboard. Without me really realising, these rides have evolved from what was a cheap fair ground attraction to entertain kids into an in-house Uber service for children who's legs no longer seem to work from lack of use. They've also taken to now simply calling me 'pig' and steer me by the twisting of my ears. on top of that, I have to point out imaginary land marks as we go from room to room and if the guided tour isn't up to scratch, someone will inevitably try and pull my trousers down while I'm in this vulnerable position – usually it'll be @mother_of_daughters. Am I being bullied? I'm genuinely not sure #the4thatbrokethecamelsback #aremygirlsbullyingme #inhouseuber #luckyivegotagoodass #fatherofdaughters #FOD #instadad #dadlife

Een foto die is geplaatst door Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) op

2. Twee zieke meisjes in je armen

After talking about strong women yesterday, we now have 2 girls who are so weak & clogged up that they'd make a damp paper bag look as strong as a cross fit junky. Their usually beaming little faces look like they're been made over by an undertaker in training and now they just stare into space with the occasion heavy intake of air to let us know they haven't actually turned into freaky mannequins. I'm the man who can sort things for my girls & lift their spirits, but I'm powerless now and it sucks. Bet you I get this cold as well within 48 hours. #whodbeaparent #twins #double thediseaseinourhouse #FOD #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

Een foto die is geplaatst door Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) op

3. Soms moet je je testosteron even aan de kant zetten

Sometimes as a #fatherofdaughters you have to put your testosterone to one side, give in and let girls be girls. So what do you get if you cross bored girls who love makeovers / playing with out of date make up they retrieve from @mother_of_daughters bin & a tired dad who'll say yes to anything to make them happy / quieter? I introduce you to my drag queen half brother, Simone. You can find him performing cabaret in soho every Thursday. Of course, they then thought it was hilarious to hide the make up remover – Oh, how I laughed. When clemmie saw me, she just shook her head and walked off….. #reallybringsoutmyeyes #whyblueeyebrows #anythingformygirls #snogmarryavoid? #privateshowswillcostyou #FOD #dadlife #instadad

Een foto die is geplaatst door Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) op

4. Hoe draag je die tweeling nou precies?

I often get asked how we manage with twins. Well, over the last year I've been hard at work in the R&D lab, developing carrying techniques to act as an in-house uber service & cart the twins around to desired locations. The side effect of this has meant ive developed forearms like Popeye on steroids and shoulders you can use as book shelves. So here's a run down on my top 11 (because doing a top 10 is soooo 2016). Short of getting a 3rd arm graphed onto my torso, I'm not sure how I can carry any more. Missed any? Let me know. What's your fav? #wehadtwinsjustsoicoulddothisvideo #thismakeslifewithonebabylookeasyright #thingsigetuptowhenmywifeisntaround #FODguide #FOD #fatherofdaughters #twins #parenting #dadlife #instadad #fitness

Een video die is geplaatst door Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) op

LEES OOK: Vader maakt geniale vlog: 7 x zo zorg je ervoor dat je kind luistert (of niet)

5. Als mama van huis is…

This week my eldest has been doing sex education at school. Shes very mature about it & having a midwife as a mum, they know a lot more than your average kid, no 'front bottoms' or 'nunnys' in this house, it's strictly a 'vagina' affair (which coincidently would be a great title for a drama series on TV) That said, she's chosen tonight (when @mother_of_daughters is away) to ask questions about men which makes me feel like an embarrassed child, but i promised to tell her the truth. My personal favourites – "do you wear a condom daddy?" Me – "Yes". Then why do you have so many children? Touchè. "Have you and mummy had sex more than 3 times?" I laughed proudly – "Way more……like at least 9 or 10 times" ( I didn't want to come across as a sex crazied maniac). #sexeducation #shestheadultimthechild #sheknowsmorethanme #dontaskaboutmasturbationorilldie #ivedoneitloads #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife #parenting

Een foto die is geplaatst door Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) op

6. Tweeling = twee keer zoveel luiers

Another monday, another last minute rush to the shops to avoid the armageddon I.e running out of nappies, wipes & baby crack (milk) for the addicts. I basically live in this aisle of the supermarket now. New parents seem to gravitate to me as an "experienced parent" (i.e. the tired looking guy shivering in the corner) and ask "do you know where so and so is please?" My reponse – "Sure 3rd shelf, half way down on the left hand side, buy 3 & get a discount,although you want to use that in combination with blah blah blah." I'm like a walking encyclopaedia of baby product info. I used to use my brain to solve global corporate wide problems. I now use it to calculate bulk buy discounts. #ishouldgetanamebadge #bogofking #iliveherenojoke #dadbrain #lifeinthefastlane #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

Een foto die is geplaatst door Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) op

7. Kijk, hij kent z’n plek in het bed

Is it only me or do all men learn to sleep on an 8 inch strip at the edge of the bed? Irrespective of the size of the bed, or how many people are in it, I always find myself relegated to the 'man zone'. I've become so used to sleeping on this limited area of bed real estate, that I'm confident that I could sleep on top of a wall & not fall off. On the other side of the bed (the promised land), @mother_of_daughters sleeps like a star fish all night long, kneeing me in the back and generally complains about me coming to bed too late, being too cold or my foot encroaching onto her territory. At least the bed's nice and warm, even if the reception isn't sometimes! I hope that next Sunday, on #NationalLieInDay, I'll not only gain another hour in bed, but more space – but it's doubtful ! If you want to regain that hour (and some space for that matter) click in the link in my bio, loads of great prizes to be won @SimbaSleep #bedrealestate #livingontheedge #girls #twins #daughters #therestoomanygirls #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad #gopro

Een foto die is geplaatst door Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) op

8. Papa’s werk is nooit gedaan

Last night – "Oh daddy, remember to make our woodland themed costumes for school tomorrow!" – Why is this the first I'm hearing about this at 8pm the day before you need them – I'm not some 24 hr costume design dept! Considered slapping a door mat on their backs and sending them off as hedgehogs but decided that was shit, so my plan to cuddle up with @mother_of_daughters wilted & died before my eyes & instead was spent contorting sodding coat hangers into wings, wrapping them with cling film, skewering myself attempting to attach fake leaves to jumpers & rummaging around in the loft for brown clothing (of which I can confirm we have none). They were woodland fairies FYI. #icantletthemdown #iloveitreally #iftheydontlikethemimdisowningthem #adadsworkisneverdone #morenoticenexttime #dressingup #woodlandfairies #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

Een foto die is geplaatst door Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) op

LEES OOK: By far het schattigste duet tussen vader en dochter (4) óóit

9. Met zoveel mogelijk mensen in een zo klein mogelijke ruimte

Why does bathtime always involve cramming as many family members into one of the smallest rooms in the house at the same time? I guess the eldest 2 like it as it's like a cheap version of the sea life centre. They get to watch these weird pink slippery things splash about and generally contort themselves out of these chairs while sucking the life out of some sponges. Clemmie and I are there just play life guards and crowd control. I should charge admission. Just avoid the dirty nappies at the door and the water EVERYWHERE. Actually, forget it – Health and safety would definitely shut us done. #waterstaysinthebathgirls #bathtime #sealifecentreathome #cheapentertainment #twins #mygirls #theyneverstayinthesechairs #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

Een foto die is geplaatst door Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) op

10. Leuk, Whatsappen met je dochter

The wonders of modern technology. Why, oh why did I give my eldest an ipod touch? Yes, its great to stay in contact while im away but my inbox is now full of emoji based spam from my bored daughter. (The emoji poo is a firm favourite). Today while in meetings, I convinced her that because I'm 8 hours ahead of her (I.e. in the future), I could send her the lottery numbers and shes guarenteed to win as i already know the winning ones. Took her a while to figure out that wasn't actually the case, made me laugh though! FYI Yes I look shattered but I've been travelling for 22 hours so what do you expect!! #wecouldhavewonthelottery #remoteparenting #kidsandtechnology #whyalwaystheemojipoo #emojispam #workingaway #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

Een foto die is geplaatst door Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) op

11. Stiekem is hij zelfs een levend speeltoestel

If there is one thing that us dads are good for its being used as a mobile human climbing frame. We're practicing our routine for britain's got talent, the talent being how many family members can hang off me (kind of a real life buckaroo game) before I slip a disc and crumple into a pathetic mess crying like a child who's grazed their knee for the first time. Now all I need it for @mother_of_daughters to get on my back and the twins to rest of my shoulders and the award is surely mine. Come see us on the BGT tour next year. #dadclimbingframe #buckaroo #whyisitalwaysmedoingthis #backofan80yearold #thighsofapowerlifted #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife

Een foto die is geplaatst door Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) op

12. Nieuw: kinderschoenen!

Developed a New product this evening – child shoes. They cost a fortune, stop you from achieving anything, age you dramatically, are never clean despite washing them regularly and never go in the direction you ask them to. Come to think about it, these sound terrible. Back to the drawing board….. #childshoes #theywillneversell # #dadlife #fatherofdaughters #instadad #thesethingsweighatonne #bedtime

Een foto die is geplaatst door Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) op

Nog zo’n grappige papa: vader doet op hilarische wijze verslag van de bevalling en wint het internet

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Oergeestig! Zo ziet het leven van een vader met 4 dochters eruit