Janne Vogel Kinderen 24 apr 2018, 16:31

Leestijd: 3 minuten

Geweldig: deze vader heeft vier (!) dochters en tweet hilarische conversaties met zijn meiden

Naar eigen zeggen is James Breakwell professioneel comedy-schrijver én amateur vader van vier meiden, waarvan de oudste zeven jaar is. Hij is vooral bekend van zijn familiehumor Twitter-account @XplodingUnicorn, dat inmiddels al meer dan een miljoen volgers heeft.

Wij hóuden van James en maakten een selectie van zijn allerleukste tweets. Om van te smullen.

1.

Me: What did you do at school today?

5-year-old: Learned about dragons.

Me: Your class learned about dragons?

5: I learned about dragons. I don't know what everybody else was doing.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 19 april 2018

2.

5-year-old: Why does perfume always smell like flowers?

Me: What should it smell like?

5: Macaroni and cheese.

I'll take 10 bottles.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 17 april 2018

3.

[spring break]

5-year-old: When do we have to go back to school?

Me: Monday.

5: *slides me a penny* When now?

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 4 april 2018

4.

3-year-old: *puts on fairy wings*

Me: Is that how we get ready for bed?

3: *puts on a second set of fairy wings*

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 5 april 2018

5.

My 2-year-old said she has poopy shoes.

I gave her a whole pep talk on how her shoes aren’t poopy, they’re awesome.

Turns out she was saying purple.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 2 april 2018

6.

2-year-old: *screeches*

Me: What's the emergency?

2: I need cheese.

That is an emergency.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 29 maart 2018

7.

5-year-old: You’re the best dad!

Me: Aww.

5: That I’ve met so far.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 10 april 2018

8.

My 2-year-old said her doll hit her in the face.

Either she hurt herself while swinging it around or I need to hire an exorcist.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 9 april 2018

9.

Me: We're going to have fun all day.

3-year-old: And then the night will come.

That feels ominously deep.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 8 april 2018

10.

My 5-year-old tells me every day that she never sleeps. This is her resting her eyes.

Een bericht gedeeld door James Breakwell (@james_breakwell) op 23 Apr 2018 om 2:56 (PDT)

11.

[snow starts falling again in April]

5-year-old: NO.

Permission denied.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 16 april 2018

12.

7-year-old: Girls are better at being doctors.

Me: What are boys better at?

7: Getting hurt.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 11 april 2018

13.

3-year-old: Why do you have a mustache?

Me: Why do you think I have a mustsche?

3: To keep away girls.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 9 april 2018

14.

5-year-old: She bit my butt!

3-year-old: It was an accident.

Me: How do you accidentally bite someone's butt?

3: I was going for her leg.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 2 april 2018

15.

3-year-old: Mommy married you.

Me: Yeah.

3: Why?

Wife: Nobody knows.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 31 maart 2018

16.

2-year-old: *insists on carrying a pack of diapers that's too heavy for her*

Me: Fine. Do it yourself.

2: *makes me carry her while she carries the diapers*

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 28 maart 2018

17.

3-year-old: Do boys like Frozen?

5-year-old: Nobody cares what boys like.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 28 maart 2018

18.

Me: You like tigers.

3-year-old: I LIKE PANDAS.

Me: What happened?

3: I grew up.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 25 maart 2018

19.

How to watch a movie like my kids:

1) Spend an hour fighting over what movie to watch.

2) The second it starts, walk away.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 24 maart 2018

20.

3-year-old: I want to wear purple.

Me: *picks out a purple shirt*

3: THAT'S LIGHT PURPLE.

I've committed a serious faux pas.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 26 maart 2018