Briljant: vader twittert over de gevatte uitspraken van zijn dochters en gaat viraal
De Britse komiek James Breakwell (op Twitter ook wel bekend als XplodingUnicorn) leeft in een huis vol vrouwen: zijn vriendin en hun drie dochters. Eerder schreven we al over de grappige tweets die hij over hen de wereld in slingert. De afgelopen tijd is hij weer flink losgegaan, en hebben we weer een aantal briljante pareltjes gevonden die we graag met je delen.
Als je actief bent op Twitter is vader James er zeker eentje om te volgen. En anders ook, trouwens.
1.
[filling out a worksheet for preschool]
Me: Give me an example of a good deed.
4-year-old: Killing zombies.
Nailed it.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 3 mei 2017
2.
Me: I went viral again.
6-year-old: You don't look sick.
Me: No, I went viral on the internet.
6: Next time use a bucket.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 3 mei 2017
3.
2-year-old: *touches my beard* It's soft like a kitty.
Me: You mean rugged and manly.
2: Purrrr.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 3 mei 2017
4.
4-year-old: Dad?
Me: Yeah?
4: I don't want to drink water before bed or I'll have to sleep on the potty & then I'll fall in
Me: Good call
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 3 mei 2017
5.
Me: There's my little girl.
2-year-old: I'm a big girl.
Me: Then what are your sisters?
2: HUGE.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 2 mei 2017
6.
Me: You clicked “like” on my Facebook page.
Wife: I know.
Me: It took you four years.
Wife: I wanted to be sure.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 2 mei 2017
7.
4-year-old: I love you when you order pizza.
Me: What about when I don't order pizza?
4: Don't go there.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 2 mei 2017
LEES OOK: Deze foto’s van bekende vaders met hun kind maken je dag goed
8.
4-year-old: Can we get a little horse?
Me: Absolutely not.
4: OK. We'll get a big one.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 1 mei 2017
9.
There's nothing scarier than when my wife uses our kids' middle names.
Except when she uses my middle name.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 1 mei 2017
10.
Me: Who made this mess?
4-year-old: A hologram.
Me: Since when do you know what a hologram is?
4: Since I saw one make a mess in my room.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 1 mei 2017
11.
I asked my 1-year-old if she wanted pizza.
She nodded so hard she fell over.
So, yes, I'm sure she's mine.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 30 april 2017
12.
2-year-old: *stares at a pregnant lady in church*
Me: She has a baby in her tummy.
2: *whispering* She ate it.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 30 april 2017
13.
6-year-old: These shoes hurt my feet.
Me: Then don't wear them.
6: But they're pretty.
Me: I don't understand.
6: No, you don't.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 30 april 2017
14.
Me: There's nothing better than having kids.
Childless friend: I can pee alone.
Me: *starts crying*
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 29 april 2017
15.
Me: Make your bed.
6-year-old: It's raining.
Me: It's not raining in your room.
6: I don't do stuff when it's raining.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) 27 april 2017
Nog meer inspiratie nodig voor Twitter accounts die absoluut de moeite waard zijn? Deze 11 tweets van Ryan Reynolds maken hem de koning der vaders
